This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
