Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
