Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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