he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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