Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
