He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
