he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
