Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
