the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my shit smells like andre
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
