we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
