every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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