just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
