I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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