Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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