i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
