One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
