D3 body, D1 cock
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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