I want to make a zoo with you.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
