No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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