What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
