I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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