just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
