yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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