There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
