i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I wish you could order shots online.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
