Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
