He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
