Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
