My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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