your parents love me but you hate me
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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