How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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