dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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