I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
