Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
