Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
