words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
