During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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