First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
