if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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