he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
