I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
