dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
