I haven't been this sober since birth.
im holly from the hills drunk
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
