With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
All I want is dick and wine.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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