i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
