And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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