p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
