One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
