it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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