But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
