So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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