i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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