I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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